Poisons and Cures
This week I was diagnosed with a corneal ulcer due to sleeping in my contacts. Not my smartest moment, but be mindful that these were extended wear contacts. If I am completely honest, I wore them beyond the recommended time, which in effect made them more harmful than helpful to me.
When the doctor asked me why I wasn’t removing my contacts at night, I responded,
“I liked the feeling of waking up and being able to see”.
The optician begins to explain the obvious to me. Contact lenses are more of a prosthesis designed to aid my vision and should not be confused as my vision itself. How often do we use things beyond the point of their purpose? It is then that they become a poison and not a cure.
As the optician describes the process I will have to undergo to heal my eye, it becomes obvious that the treatment will hurt worse than the ailment. The treatment for my eye requires 3 things: DON’T INTERFERE, BE STILL and FOCUS ON THE LIGHT. I have decided to take a further look at this process as it has the potential to heal more than my eye. There was a nugget of life application in there that could help my Vision as well.
DON’T INTERFERE
The doctor explains that he is to going pour numbing drops into my eyes to make the rest of the procedure more bearable. He advises that the drops will burn profusely for the first 30 seconds and then my eyes will feel numb. I cannot under any circumstance rub my eyes. Doing so could result in permanent scarring. I can flail my arms and move around (which I do), but I have to allow it to burn. I resist the urge to rub the solution from eyes and as he promised, after the first 30 seconds of unbearable pain, my eyes become numb and I start to think for the first time, I may actually get through this. Beginning the process to clearer vision is going to hurt at first. Our natural inclination is to get our hands in the way, try to soothe or help the process. This will only makes things worse and can result in permanent damage. Sometimes you just have to let it burn.
SIDEBAR: True to form, I asked the doctor if I could take the numbing cream home. I immediately thought of how wonderful it would be to continue to stay numb. He told me that while another dose of the numbing drops would not burn as the first dose had, repeated doses eventually cause the harmful bacteria in the eye to multiply and could result in permanent sight loss. In short, the drops were a temporary crutch not a cure. Old habits die hard.
BE STILL (Very Still)
Debriding is defined as “the medical removal of a patient's dead, damaged, or infected tissue to improve the healing potential of the remaining healthy tissue.” My eye had to be debrided. The doctor is going to scrape the surface of my eye to break-up the ulcer. This step in the process requires me to take "Don’t Interfere” a step further and “Be Still”. Anybody who knows me, knows this was a nearly an impossible feat. I am a “can’t stop/won’t stop" kind of girl. However, I did what needed to be done as one false move could result in permanent damage to my vision.
Although the sensation of something scraping away at what is most delicate to us is unpleasant; it is very necessary to allow healthy behaviors and belief systems to not be overcome by the negative ones that have stagnated our growth. We must be completely still, albeit aware, and allow the good work to be done.
FOCUS ON THE LIGHT (Even if it hurts)
On the last and final phase of the treatment, the doctor tells me,
“Focusing on the light will be painful, but do not look away”.
He informs me he is looking for my pupils to do two things when the light is shone: Remain Equal and Reactive to Light.
At this point in time, my eyes were sensitive to even the lowest wattage light bulb. The light he shone into my eyes was so bright it caused my heart rate to speed up and nearly took my breath away. The only sensation I can liken it to, is having your head repeatedly dunked under water. In many ways, this was a baptism by light and all I could do was take a deep breath.
Don’t be fooled. Illumination hurts. Anything dragged out of the comfort of darkness into the light will resist because of the pain. We cannot look away.
The Take Away
I realize that contact lenses were not the only crutch in my life that I treated as a cure and used well beyond its purpose. There are several areas that require me to “Not Interfere”, “Be Still” and “Focus on the Light”. My Vision has been properly worked on and I am stretching towards the next level with a renewed understanding of the purpose of the pain.
What is the Purpose of your Pain?
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